Do You Have Room? (New Christmas Song)

Am I supposed to be happy.....

A few more days and it's Christmas. Do I hear a whoot! whoot! Not from my room. Why should I be excited for something that I don't feel a part of anymore. I am the outsider waiting for permission to come see my family. I don't want to be a burden or a nuisance. I would like to be wanted to be loved. To not have to schedule a time where I am accepted to be with my friends and family.

Don't get me wrong I want my boys to have the memories of the Christmas holidays with my family. I just wish it could be different. So as I have tried to cope with the loss of my boys, and my husband this holiday I am trying to concentrate on Christ. I know that without Him I have no hope of filling in enough of the gaps torn from my heart that I may be successful as a Daughter of God.

The song "Do You Have Room?" has touched my heart greatly this Christmas season as I am trying to change my priorities so that I may have more room for the Savior in my life. That I maybe able to let Him in and heal my wounded heart. Then I will be in a place in my life where hopefully I may help others through my story. Then maybe this illness, the loss of my boys, and the crumbled relationship of my husband will some how (if possible) be worth it.

So am I happy this holiday season. The truth.....no, but I am grateful to have the hope that one day it will be different. That I will find joy once again.

Joshua 1:5-9

I have found my new favorite sticks. (at least for the moment anyways.) It is right after the great prophet Moses as died and Joshua is to take his place. God is speaking to Joshua giving him comfort. I am no Joshua, never will be. But I took great comfort in the fact that God will always be with me just like He was with Moses.

Also that I am commanded to be strong and of great courage. Right now I need to be more than ever before. The holidays are a definite downer for me. I'm trying new things to help make things a little more pleasant for me but haven't found anything yet. I need courage and strength to get out of bed these days. To go to work and face all the beautiful families Christmas shopping. The kids so excited for Santa to come and the parents making threats of if your naughty santa wont... I miss enjoying the holidays and having a reason to shop and be excited to watch the kids enthusiasium while opening their presents Christmas morning. I am commanded to have strength and courage, to do the best I can. I will try with all that I have and have faith that the Lord will help me with the rest. :)