Written Aug. 6,2010

You know what I hate. I hate it when no matter what I do, no matter how I try I'm still depressed. I'm still want to end my life. I understand that I am going through an incredibly hard time right now in my life. Things just keep piling on top of each other. I go from being a mom of two boys have my husband work full time and thriving to no boys, no husband, and no job lined up after the end of this month. How the heck am I going to survive???

I'm reading good books. Trying to work on my confidence. I'm doing what my boss has suggested. I try to come up with interview answers where I wont tear up and get emotional. I hate it! I'm supposed to completely skip the past 7 years of my life. The thing is being a mom is all I've ever wanted to do, and to not put them in my "tell me a little bit about yourself" question. I feel like I'm disregarding my children all together. I just can't do that. They are my EVERYTHING!!! And yes talking about them brings tears to my eyes. Who wouldn't when they have experienced what I have?!

Alton Baby!!

So over July 24th weekend I was able to go with my new friend Rynda to her home town Alton, UT. It was so incredible. Smallest town I've ever stayed in. :) It was so fun and full of adventure. We were only there for a day and a half but we went hiking and saw indian artifacts, swimming in the reseivor (which I almost lost my shoes in the very deep thick mud! I didn't get any leeches though so that was a blessing.), and country dancing. It was a blast. I told Rynda that I wanted to move there. The weather was perfect, the air crisp, and it was so close to Zion's and what not. Totally beautiful! I didn't want to leave. Thanks Rynda for inviting me to have a weekend of fun!