random pic of Corby

hospitals

well staying in the hospital for a couple weeks sure does make a girl grateful for the little things. like forks for instance do you know how hard it is to eat a salad with a fork. and i was having a salad was one of the options you could pick everyday. i think they doing it a purpose testing us. seeing how well we can handle the frustration on eating a salad with a soup spoon. i know for me i was just ready to chop that darn thing to mush then just suck it up. bet they'd get a kick out of that.
I'm also really grateful for pens. you know that write so much more fluently then those stupid little baby pencils that they give us. guess what it don't matter how long the pencil is its still poky and can do whatever damage you want it too.
the TV and all those great DVDs just sitting there mocking us with our boredom. sudoku can keep you entertained. over a grand a day they should at least give messages. now that would make me feel good real fast. but now it's all a conspiracy to make the bored pay for it. don't get me started on their flimsy tooth brushes i could brush my tongue.

anyways I'm glad to be home and safe and hope to never experience that again. 7's the charm right.

Do You Have Room? (New Christmas Song)

Am I supposed to be happy.....

A few more days and it's Christmas. Do I hear a whoot! whoot! Not from my room. Why should I be excited for something that I don't feel a part of anymore. I am the outsider waiting for permission to come see my family. I don't want to be a burden or a nuisance. I would like to be wanted to be loved. To not have to schedule a time where I am accepted to be with my friends and family.

Don't get me wrong I want my boys to have the memories of the Christmas holidays with my family. I just wish it could be different. So as I have tried to cope with the loss of my boys, and my husband this holiday I am trying to concentrate on Christ. I know that without Him I have no hope of filling in enough of the gaps torn from my heart that I may be successful as a Daughter of God.

The song "Do You Have Room?" has touched my heart greatly this Christmas season as I am trying to change my priorities so that I may have more room for the Savior in my life. That I maybe able to let Him in and heal my wounded heart. Then I will be in a place in my life where hopefully I may help others through my story. Then maybe this illness, the loss of my boys, and the crumbled relationship of my husband will some how (if possible) be worth it.

So am I happy this holiday season. The truth.....no, but I am grateful to have the hope that one day it will be different. That I will find joy once again.

Joshua 1:5-9

I have found my new favorite sticks. (at least for the moment anyways.) It is right after the great prophet Moses as died and Joshua is to take his place. God is speaking to Joshua giving him comfort. I am no Joshua, never will be. But I took great comfort in the fact that God will always be with me just like He was with Moses.

Also that I am commanded to be strong and of great courage. Right now I need to be more than ever before. The holidays are a definite downer for me. I'm trying new things to help make things a little more pleasant for me but haven't found anything yet. I need courage and strength to get out of bed these days. To go to work and face all the beautiful families Christmas shopping. The kids so excited for Santa to come and the parents making threats of if your naughty santa wont... I miss enjoying the holidays and having a reason to shop and be excited to watch the kids enthusiasium while opening their presents Christmas morning. I am commanded to have strength and courage, to do the best I can. I will try with all that I have and have faith that the Lord will help me with the rest. :)

Few things Im grateful for.

1. Rain-x and Defrost
2. Beenies
3. Chapstick
4. Icy Hot
5. Pictures
6. Sticks
7. The TRUE meaning of Christmas.
8. Happy older people
9. Ice chips
10. 5 senses

10 Things I Hate About Black Friday

1. Being at work for over 10 hrs.
2. Not getting a lunch until 9pm
3. Traffic! It took me almost an hour and a half to get home.
4. Parking! Really people be conciderate and park in between the lines.
5. Having to wait an hour in line while needed to use the restroom the whole time. (your dancing its so bad) and then when you get to the bathrooms you have to wait in Another line!
6. You usually only get half of what you wanted to get in the first place.
7. Rude customers.
8. Hello people you have been in line for an hour Have you check already written out!!
9. Yes people there are security items on valuables. Psst.... We hear you when before you even reach the doors!
10. So what happened to the Christmas Spirit!!!